Blog #1

So, I’m not confident… like at all. I really want to be though so I decided to join this theater class. You’re probably reading this and thinking, “oh but I know you have some confidence Olivia because you are starting to participate more and being a bit louder’, but right after I raise my voice a little louder, I freak out. Like I’m anxious the whole rest of the day. Why am I so anxious the rest of the day? All I want to do is be a bit louder and be confident. I just get nervous that people will think smalley or little of me if I don’t present one hundred percent correctly. I don't want people to think I’m too loud, or too crazy so I try to keep it in. Last year, I didn’t talk very much and didn’t socialize with anyone… and I felt sad because I was always alone in the library doing puzzles or getting my homework done when it wasn’t even due for two more weeks. Everyone liked me though, everyone thought I was a cute little kid who was quiet and studious. And I am studious and I was in eighth grade, but to be honest with you, I’m really not THAT quiet.  When I got to the second semester of last year, I started to realize something.  Everyone didn't have a problem with me, everyone didn’t see me as a threat, because I didn’t have a voice. I wasn’t a threat or seen  like I had any source of power because I didn’t even say  ONE WORD last year. I didn’t want to say a single word  last year. I want to say more words this year. I want to have a voice. But I feel like I won’t be seen as sweet anymore. Maybe they’ll see me more as a threat. I don’t know. What do you think? Do you think I should have a voice? Should I care about what other people think? I just don’t want to be seen like I changed. If I had a voice, a stronger voice, not meaning a high pitched voice (haha), but I voice where I seemed confident. Where I’m not saying “hi” like the person saying hi to me is a … killer I don’t know. But back to the point. I joined this class for an important reason. I want to challenge myself. I want to challenge myself to have a voice. I want to challenge myself to talk with confidence. To stand with confidence. To not care too much what others think. I also want to be able to convey a message effectively. Those are my goals.